Ich denke nein. Wir leben hier in einer – mehr oder weniger freiheitlichen – Demokratie und da muss man/frau es sich schon gefallen lassen, wenn die doch sehr wertbesetzte Ausgabepraxis öffentlicher Gelder kritisiert wird.
Ich habe absolut nichts dagegen, wenn an öffentlichen Schulen Respekt voreinander gelehrt wird. Was ich dann aber nicht tun kann, ist Menschen in Gruppen zu unterteilen und besonderen Gruppen besondere Rechte zuzugestehen und die Propagierung dieser Minderheitenrechte noch öffentlich zu unterstützen. Oder anders ausgedrückt: Wenn ich schon „schwule“ Gruppen oder Einzelpersonen in öffentliche Schulen, Behörden oder sonstiges lasse, um „auf die besondere Situation von Homosexuellen“ aufmerksam zu machen, sollte man doch fairerweise auch die Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen einladen, die hier einen anderen Weg gegangen sind (also etwa Ex-Gay Einrichtungen) und so den Angesprochenen zu vermitteln, dass man hier sehr wohl die Wahl hat, wie der künftige Lebensweg aussehen kann. Auch werden viele „homosexuelle“ Projekte, Einrichtungen und Einzelpersonen in einem Maße finanziell unterstützt, das ich weder von der Höhe her noch inhaltlich nachvollziehen kann (diese Ansicht hatte ich übrigens bereits in meiner „schwulen“ Zeit). Allen Bürgerinnen und Bürgern dieses Landes stehen bei Problemen verschiedenster Art unterschiedliche Hilfsangebote zur Verfügung. Ebenso schützt unser Rechtssystem ausreichend alle Menschen, die sich in der BRD aufhalten oder dauerhaft hier leben. Es ist nicht notwendig, hier zusätzlich derart umfangreiche Programme für Menschen mit einer besonderen sexuellen Orientierung anzubieten.
Dies ist umso weniger verständlich, da es momentan an allen Ecken und Enden an öffentlichen Geldern mangelt: etwa für Kindergärten bzw. Personal hierfür, für eine vernünftige Pflege, für die Krankenhäuser und Altenheime, für menschenwürdige Asylunterkünfte und vieles mehr. Bereits in meiner „schwulen“ Zeit konnte ich etwa nicht nachvollziehen, wieso eine Großstadt wie München, in der man gut offen „schwul“ leben kann, ein besonderes schwules Zentrum mit entsprechendem Personal braucht. Kann ich wirklich dieses unterstützen und gleichzeitig ohne schlechtes Gewissen all denen ins Auge sehen, die die öffentlichen Gelder so viel mehr benötigen – teils aus existentiellen Gründen?
In einer Demokratie muss man es sowohl aushalten wie ermöglichen, dass Menschen ihre Meinungen kundtun – auch wenn einem diese nicht gefallen. Dies mit beleidigenden Ausdrücken in eine radikale Ecke stellen zu wollen, grenzt beinahe an unsägliche totalitäre Propaganda-Methoden. Die Meinungsfreiheit, um die man selbst solange gebettelt und gekämpft hat, wird so anderen aufs übelste verweigert, indem sie für die Äußerung der eigenen Meinung auch noch beleidigt werden.
Ich werde meine Meinung dennoch auch weiterhin äußern. Mag sein, dass sich manche dadurch auf den Schlips getreten fühlen – aber ich bin nicht verantwortlich für die Gedanken und Empfindungen anderer Menschen. Ich bin alleine meinem Glauben, Gewissen und Gott gegenüber verantwortlich.
Most of the German churches completely ignore the existence of ex-gays or ex-gay ministries - at best. Some have a more-or-less open gay-friendly policy, others technically hold the biblical and traditional point of view - but rather in theory than in everyday life. The subject of same-sex attractions ("homosexuality") is usually not even mentioned in any church (with view exceptions). Hardly ever you get to hear a biblical sermon on it or it being adressed in church circles. Sometimes people in ministry make headlines for having same-sex partners - openly or not openly. Even big churches that (on paper) still hold a biblical view would not invite us - neither to adress the congregation nor on any event (some of them being really (!) big!). Sometimes I get the impression that if there is a big and public church event where they can't avoid to address it, they would rather invite people who seem to have not problem acting out their same-sex attractions (they would then apply the "same principles as for heterosexual couples": fidelity and the like. What heresy!), or they might invite gay friendly theologians or simply theologians with a big title - instead of those who offer real help. Ministries that offer real help. Ministries where people are finding freedom from same-sex attractions. One of the bigger denominations even has a purity ministry itself in other countries (even in Europe) - and they would not even invite them. I am at the same time very angry about this irresponsible behavior, about people who seem to offer no help at all (on the contrary, some even might lead people with ssa astray!), but also defiant: They will not silence us. As Michael O'Brien, the famous Canadian novelist, wrote us in an email: Continue to be the sign of contradiction! The time where people with unwanted ssa only met in clandestine circles is over. We are loud and proud as well and we could not care less what others think of us or how they view us. The truce is over - now it is time to put on the armor, gather and fight! We have a mighty enemy, so let's raise our (spiritual) fists and get in the ring! I call on each one of us and each one that supports our call to follow our battle call. There is much more at stake than just a couple of those "weird" ex-gay people. Once we open the door for sin to enter the body, it will spread. So take heart, brothers and sisters all over the world! Join us, stand up for your faith and your Savior and fight!
How long has your organization been dealing with conversions?
If you mean to ask how long we’ve been around: Since 1976, which makes us the oldest ministry for those seeking freedom from unwanted same-sex attractions. However, we are not “dealing with conversions”. Our goal is not to make “turn people straight”, but to help them find freedom from same-sex attractions – whatever form that freedom takes on then. Each of our members has different goals for his or her life, and so are the paths they take.
How many people struggling with homosexuality do you deal with each year?
First: We do not believe that there is something like “homosexuality” (a rather new term by the way). God has created all of us heterosexual – or better: men and women. Some of us, however, have predominant and long-lasting same-sex attractions including sexual and emotional attractions to members of the same sex – for whatever reason. To come back to your question: We do not keep record of that. Homosexuals Anonymous and Jason have several chapters around the world for people with unwanted same-sex attractions – local and online. We also counsel family members, pastors, or anybody interested in that subject. We speak at political events, mosques, churches, radio and TV shows and whoever else invites us. Whoever saves one soul, saves the whole world.
What is your success rate with conversions?
Again: Whoever saves one soul, saves the whole world. We do not evaluate success by the numbers nor by any other secular standardized system. Some of us married and founded families, some of us stayed single. God has different callings for each one of His children. Do we believe in freedom from homosexuality? Most certainly so – and the reason some have not found it yet is because they might not really believe it can be done. However, there are most likely thousands around the world who once experienced same-sex attractions and maybe even spent a good part of their lives in the gay scene and now let God change their hearts and turned their ways. Some time ago, a grandfather with same-sex attractions who chose to lead a godly life told me that to a certain degree he still experiences same-sex attractions, but when he takes a look at his wife, children and grandchildren he knows that his choice was right – and so much worth it. You couldn’t pay us a better compliment than that.
How sure are you that these people have been delivered from homosexuality?
There is no blood test you can take to measure if they are free. However, we have lots of testimonies that confirm that there is freedom. We experienced it in ourselves and in the testimonies of many others around the world. All these people have no gain in lying – they are telling the truth, which might scare gay activists because if there is one out there who found freedom of same-sex attractions, they do not have an excuse for themselves anymore. “Freedom” might look differently for the individual – some experience complete freedom, others a substantial decrease in the intensity and/or frequency of their same-sex attractions.
What methods do you use to deliver from homosexuality?
In the course of the last decades we developed and used a great variety of tools that help those who come to us seeking help. First, you have our 14-step program. Part of those steps goes back to the tradition of 12-step groups and was adapted to the special needs of people with unwanted same-sex attractions. The other steps have been developed from the experience and the road to freedom of our two founders: Colin C. and Doug M. We also use techniques and resources by various psychotherapists who worked in this field. Some of us also had a special training in psychotherapy, Christian counseling, or theology. In addition to that, we developed a network with other ministries worldwide to get the best help possible for those who seek out our services. That network provides us with a wide range of programs, recourses and counselors so that the different factors that contributed to the individual development of same-sex attractions can be addressed the best possible way.
In modern-day society "homosexuals" is a term that describes man and women who have a predominant and longlasting sexual and emotional attraction towards members of the same sex. "Gay" or "lesbian" usually also implies that those people are out there, maybe even activists for their political cause.
We do not believe in such terms. God has created all of us heterosexual. Yes, some have same-sex attractions - for whatever reason. So this is what they are then: Heterosexuals with same-sex attractions.
Like that we prefer the term "people with same-sex attractions" instead of "homosexuals", "gays" or "lesbians".
FOR IMMEDIATE NOTICE - We want to jump on this new hack article right away because we've been down the Xq28 road before and you know you will be brow beaten with these "facts" ad nauseum. For anyone literate - we've highlighted the laughable holes for you:
"A region of the X chromosome called Xq28 had some impact on men's sexual behaviour – though scientists have no idea which of the many genes in the region are involved, nor how many lie elsewhere in the genome.
Another stretch of DNA on chromosome 8 also played a role in male sexual orientation – though again the precise mechanism is unclear.
Researchers have "speculated" in the past that genes linked to homosexuality in men "may" have survived evolution because they happened to make women who carried them more fertile. This "may" be the case for genes in the Xq28 region, as the X chromosome is passed down to men exclusively from their mothers.
"The work has yet to be published..."
...he found that [only] 33 out of 40 gay brothers inherited similar genetic markers...
The gene or genes in the Xq28 region that influence sexual orientation have a limited and variable impact. Not all of the gay men in Bailey's study inherited the same Xq28 region. -->The genes were neither sufficient, nor necessary, to make any of the men gay.<--
The flawed thinking behind a genetic test for sexual orientation is clear from studies of twins, which show that the identical twin of a gay man, who carries an -->exact<-- replica of his brother's DNA, is more likely to be straight than gay. That means even a perfect genetic test that picked up every gene linked to sexual orientation would still be less effective than flipping a coin.
However, we don't know where these genetic factors are located in the genome.
"We found evidence for two sets [of genes] that affect whether a man is gay or straight. But it is not completely determinative; there are certainly other environmental factors involved." [Women must simply just be of some other species or don't have genes.]
13 February 2014
Jesus showed mercy when it came to the fulfillment of the law. Shouldn’t we do the same?
Such arguments are sometimes brought up by Christians when it comes to divorce between a man and a woman or also living out one’s same-sex attractions.
So how about it? Should we?
In short: If you open that door, you will not be able to shut it anymore. That leaves room for all sorts of moral relativism. Basically what we are doing here is putting ourselves on the throne that only belongs to God.
Didn’t Jesus see the bigger meaning behind keeping the laws? Didn’t He blame the Pharisees for keeping the Sabbath at all costs when other things – like saving a human life – might be more important? Yes, He most certainly did. So why can’t we do the same? In some sense, we can and we should. Jesus told us the deeper meaning behind the Ten Commandments – which in a sense even made it harder for us. We are not simply a “good person” anymore for not killing anybody, we messed it up with God for not having protected human lives and stood up against abortion for instance. When Jesus was asked if it was lawful for a man to divorce from his wife under certain circumstances, He did not simply answer with “yes” or “no” – He went all the way back to quote the standard from Genesis. That ought to teach us something about the validity of certain laws and whether or not to go away from them. He did so not to show that He could also be unmerciful, but because He loves us and knows that everything else that is not in line with that standard is not what our loving Father wants for His children. It is not approved by God and will have consequences for us.
So what if a couple just cannot live together anymore or the husband beats up his wife? Under certain circumstances it is necessary for them to separate for a limited period of time – to prevent further physical or emotional hurts. This is to be done with the prospect of getting back together again. If this does not work out – maybe because the husband fails to repent and would beat up his wife again – a permanent separation might be needed. However, this does not put an end to the marriage. Marriage is not a contract where we exchange properties, it is a life-giving covenant that reflects the covenant Jesus made with His bride the Church – He gave His life so we could live! There are no two covenants like that. This is not un-merciful – quite on the contrary. God does this because He loves us and knows what is best for us. Even if a second marriage is out of question, we can still have a fulfilled life following Jesus Christ!
So what about same-sex acts or couples? If they absolutely cannot change, would it not be appropriate to apply the same rules on those couples (fidelity, staying monogamous and the like)?
Where on earth do we get such ideas from? That is the way humans think, but certainly not God. Yes, we need to show mercy, but that means giving people with same-sex attractions (or heterosexual couples who are about to break up) unconditional love and support IN ORDER TO WALK ON THE RIGHT PATH AGAIN! God did not tell us THOU SHALT NOT DO THIS OR THAT – UNLESS YOU HAVE AN INCLINATION FOR IT OR YOU MISS TO MEET MY STANDARD – THEN YOU JUST SETTLE FOR LESS! What kind of theology is that? Shouldn’t sheperds who are responsible for their flock do everything to get them safely back home? God never gave us a standard that we cannot fulfill and there is no temptation that is big enough that we cannot resist it. Jesus died on the Cross for that.
You do not show “mercy” if you show people a back door in case they don’t meet God’s laws. I am sure everyone would have a good excuse why he or she needs to take the easy way out. It wasn’t “unmerciful” of God either to give His own Son to die for us on the Cross – how do we dare to settle with less then?
Remember when Jesus saved the prostitute’s life who was about to be stoned? When He told her accusers that the one who has no sins should throw the first stone? This is an excellent example: First, Jesus showed unconditional love: He saved the woman’s life before she could even say beep. But the story does not end here. He did not tell her well, in case you think this is the way you need to go and you just don’t get along with a life as I set it out for you, then go ahead. No, loving Jesus told her to go and sin no more. The same loving Jesus that spoke about hell like no other before.
So how about we see God’s laws as the manual of a loving Father that shows us how to get safely through the storms in life? God did not give us those laws because He likes to boss us around. They are not simply a long list of dos and don’ts. The Ten Commandments for example where given to the people of Israel in the context of their liberation from Egypt. Also those commandments are not simple a list of “negatives”, a list of things not to do. Each commandment of God has two sides – much like a coin. Think about “Thou shalt not kill” – that also means we should preserve life. He will not only hold us responsible for the bad things we did, but also for the good things we failed to do.
To cut a long story short: Mercy? Yes, but mercy God’s way. No back-doors anymore by watering down God’s Word.
Well, yes and no. The terms as such are relatively new, the concepts behind them not so. We do not believe in "homosexuality" as an identity in and of itself (we see same-sex attractions as something some heterosexuals have). However, we use the term and concept of "heterosexuality" refering to biblical sexuality, human identity and the concept of a lifelong and monogamous marriage between one man and one woman for the benefit of the spouses and to create offspring.
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Who hasn’t heard that phrase before. We are supposed to love the sinner, but hate sin (i.e. what he/she does or fantasizes about).
At first glance this sounds perfectly right. And yet I’ve come to really dislike that statement and I ask my brothers and sisters to refrain from using such commonplaces, especially when it comes to people with same-sex attractions. And this for the following reasons:
1) You do not convince anybody with commonplaces – as true as they might be.
2) So we love the sinner. To which every gay activist (and every person in general) can and might reply: When was the last time you showed that – through unconditional works of love? It is so easy to give a fire-and-brimstone sermon on sinful “homosexual” acts. How much harder it is to love those people like Christ would! Because if you don’t, such a statement will backfire big time. And you deserved that.
3) Such a phrase is obviously talking about a person with same-sex attractions. We want to tell our church brothers and sisters to let “those people” know that we love them but hate what they are doing. Now thing for a moment how that sounds like for “one of those”. I had been there, so I have an idea about that. Throughout my whole “gay” time (which was many, many years!) I had the feeling that this is not only how I am, but most of all who I am. This is my identity – much like it would be my identity to be a white person from Europe. For “people like us” who are still involved in that life or in that world (whether or not we act out) this is not simply about “behaviors” or “fantasies” – this is an identity question. He or she thinks that they cannot do anything about it anyways (and just throwing facts at them wouldn’t help either, because they are bombarded with different facts all the time and rather confused anyway). As a consequence, these persons might feel rejected for who they are (like you might reject a person because of his or her color of skin) – if you mean to say that or not (for the record: this is not how I think, but how many “of us” think). Usually, it is not the first time they heard things like that, so to cope with their anger, hurt and frustration they might react very aggressively. They might see you as hypocrite, retarded, radical, inhumane – or simply stupid.
4) So we love the sinner and hate the sin. Fine. Sounds like we are talking about somebody else when we are talking about sinners. And in fact this is exactly what we are doing there: We point with the finger on other people and call them sinners that “deserve” to hear the truth. This in fact is hypocrite. If we point with the finger on somebody else, we should remember that all the other fingers are pointing back to us – for good reason. We sometimes tend to forget that we are sinners too. As someone once said: A church is not a hotel for saints, but a hospital for sinners. And even if you find a “perfect” church, you ruin it the very moment you walk through its doors. I remember when I joined a “Bible church” a couple of months after I left the gay life and enrolled in H.A.’s online program. The brothers and sisters there were really nice, but man was there a difference between us. I walked in on a Wednesday evening to join there Bible study – dressed in army pants & boots and a black leather jacket. And there were sitting all those nicely dressed Christians. I felt like someone from Mars (which was not their fault, but still). They knew nothing about me, but as luck wanted to have it they dealt with a Bible verse speaking on sexual immorality. One of them mentioned that actually there was nothing for them to talk about as they didn’t have that problem. On the inside I thought well, now you do (as it later turned out, they had it as well). Sometime after that – I was already a member – a dear friend of mine held a Bible study before the service. He spoke about sinning. Sinning with a capital “S” sort of – the real bad stuff. And then he turned to me and said something like “Well, Robert, what do you say to that?”. As if I was the only sinner in the house (he might not have meant it that way, but it sure sounded like that. For a very long time I felt like the black sheep of the family there – as loving as they were.
So instead of confronting people with same-sex attractions with commonplaces and Bible verses (as true as they are, but the letter can kill if you don’t apply him with love – think of how Jesus saved the prostitute who was about to be stoned – He saved her before she could even say beep!), we might show them what Christian love, what Christianity in general is all about – through our actions. They should see Christ through us! That does not mean they should not be confronted with the truth as well, but they first need to be “fed” (that is taken care of with love), before they even trust us enough to want to know more about what motivates us. Just standing with a sign at the sidewalk when a gay parade passes by, does not to anything good for anyone. It might even make you look weird (to say the least).
To cut a long story short: Yes, sinners (that is we all!) need to hear the truth in and with love. But people that come from “out there” need to see what stuff we are made of first. They want to feel it, experience it before they might think about wanting to have it too. And yes, we all deserve the truth. But the truth in love – else there is no truth. Most of all people with same-sex attractions deserve every and any help possible – from a medical point of view (like therapy), from the Church, from their families and friends and from politics and laws. This is why I support “Voice of the Voiceless”.
Some time ago I served as a volunteer in a local prison. There you cannot throw Bible verses at the inmates. First, you are not supposed to do that unless they want it and second they can smell a mile away what your true motivation is – if you are there to get one point off your Christian “to-do-list” and do something for those poor prisoners by quoting them Bible verses and tell them some commonplaces – or if you are there for THEM. They want to see what you are made of – and then (and ONLY then) they might take some interest in your motivation.
I guess it is not much different with people who live a “gay” life. If we are REALLY made of that stuff, then let’s show it to them! Let’s love them like Christ would.
There is a lot of argument about whether people are born gay or not. The pro-gay crowd wants it to be so, because then they can claim God made them that way, so of course it is OK. The conservative Christians want to say no, you are not born gay, for then they would have to agree it isn't fair of God to expect a gay person to fight his or her feelings.
I read a comment recently that has made me wonder if it really matters. And if we should even argue against it. If there is a "gay gene" found some day, then Christians are going to have egg on their face, and will have their very foundation of homosexuality being wrong, shaken.
I personally don't believe people are born gay, but also have learned not to be too dogmatic about that. I do believe people can be born with a predisposition to being gay, and their environment and circumstances can swing them one way or the other.
But I am going to go with the idea that people can be born gay. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong, as the act and lusting, so therefore, it is unfair of God to let someone be born gay and forbid them to give into their desires. Right? Wrong.
We are all born sinners, thanks to Adam and Eve. We are all born with the desire to sin, to do wrong, and the same Bible that forbids homosexual behavior, forbids any sinful behavior. A heterosexual man or woman has the desire to have sex, the temptation to lust, and granted, they can marry, but not all of them. I know, and have known, several women who never married. They wanted to, but it never happened. I am sure there have been heterosexual men who wanted to marry, and never did..... and it would have been a sin for them to lust, to have sex with someone they were not married to, as the person attracted to the same gender.
And there are other sins we are prone to do, that feel natural to us to do, yet we must fight those urges and live for God, not ourselves. Just as the person who may be born gay has to fight his desires to give in and sin, we all have to fight the desire to sin and live for the flesh, instead of for God.
Is it fair that someone who is attracted to the same gender can never marry, can never know what it is like to be in love and have a relationship that others have? No. It isn't. Some manage to marry a person of the opposite sex and make it work, and many do not. But life isn't fair.
When I get frustrated about the cross I must bear, and get to thinking that it isn't fair, a couple of people come to my mind. Joni Eareckson Tada, and Nick Vujicic.
In 1978, at the age of 17, Joni dove into some water and broke her neck, paralyzing her body from the neck down. Since 1978, she has been in a wheel chair, yet God has used her in ways she could never have been used if she were whole. Is it fair? Certainly not. She found a way to paint by holding a paintbrush in her mouth, and has written several books, recorded CDs, and started a program for people to get wheel chairs who cannot afford them. She served God no matter what, and He uses her for good.
Nick Vujicic was born with no arms or legs, having only a foot. His parents decided when he was very young, that he would live as much as possible as kids with all of their limbs. He surfs, swims, goes all over the world speaking, and got married a little over a year ago and has fathered a child with his wife. Is it fair that he was born the way he was? No way. But what an amazing attitude he has, and God is using him all over the world. If anyone had a right to say it isn't fair, it would be him, but he decided to live life to the fullest and let God use him.
People are born with all sorts of diseases and deformities. There are people going through their own private hells that we don't know anything about. Is it fair? No it isn't fair, but life isn't fair. When sin entered the world, fairness was tossed out the window.
So is it fair that men and women have to suffer same-sex attractions, and according to God's Word, never be allowed to give in to those attractions/desires? No. And it isn't easy to ignore what seems to come to naturally.
But you know what? It wasn't fair that God's Son was nailed to a cross for our sins. He did no wrong, and was totally innocent. Yet He died for our sins. He went through unimaginable pain and horror for us. For the gay person. For the murderer, the child molester, for Joni Eareckson Tada, Nick Vucicic, Adolf Hitler.
We are all born sinners, with a bent and desire to give into that sin. Gay people are not the only ones who must fight what comes naturally.
Some day it will be worth it all, when we hear Jesus say "Well done". In the mean time, we must all forsake our sins, take up our cross, die daily to ourselves and our desires, and serve God no matter what. Whether you're gay, or straight.
I have lost track of the times I have tried to change. Of the times I repented, only to fall again. I'm sure is more than one reason for that. Here are a few:
1) I give up too easily. Not just on this issue, but across the board.
2) I have never had the right view of God, nor believed enough in His love
3) I got too focused on the gay issue, and it isn't the main issue - the main issue is getting the right relationship with God.
There may be others, but those are forefront in my mind when I look at how terribly I have done in this area. Another one has come to mind after something my friend said recently. I don't realize what deliverance looks like.
I wish God would just remove the desires and temptations, but He doesn't, but that pretty much is the case with any sin. The thing is, the devil fights unfairly, and he knows what areas are weak for us, and just because we want to give up a sin, doesn't mean he will stop tempting us to do it with all he has got. I know there is a wide range of opinion on Christians drinking alcoholic beverages. I still believe it is something Christians should not do, but unless they are getting drunk and hanging out in bars, I'm not going to condemn them for it, but for me, it is wrong. Oddly enough though, its not a temptation to drink, or to smoke. Why? Because I'm not even interested in doing so. But porn, lusting after other guys, sex with other guys....... I am all too interested in doing so, so even when I am trying to serve God, the devil is going to tempt me in that area, because I am weak there and have fallen many times before. Alcohol, smoking, even drugs? No contest, no weakness, no temptation.
I have been guilty of giving in to temptation too easily. Oh, there were times I fought it harder than others, but overall, I gave in too easily, didn't try for the "way of escape." A large part of that, I believe, is because in my eyes, I wasn't delivered. If I was, it wouldn't be so hard to fight it, yet that is why it is temptation..... guess I don't always think about these things enough.
The tough reality is that I will most likely be attracted to other guys for the rest of my life. I will most likely be tempted to lust, use porn, and have sex with other guys for the rest of my life. It sounds daunting and discouraging, but if it wasn't that, it would be something else. The devil fights us all with something, and though mine seems bigger and more difficult than a lot of things, I'm sure there are worse things.
I am becoming more and more convinced that the answer lies in having a real relationship with God, something I didn‘t have for most of my life. The closer relationship I have with God, the more delivered I will be.
Men and women with unwanted same-sex attractions often meet in local or online groups, seek out therapists and get all those wonderful resources out there. All good and nice. Nothing to be said against that. And yet, you have some who keep on telling you they’ve tried “everything” and “nothing” worked so far. Oh really. After years and years of dealing with those folks that I love with all of my heart, here some points to ponder (or better: kicks in the butt):
- So you’ve tried everything. Did ya. Usually, a closer look reveals that they tried nothing for real. They might show up at one or two meetings, or order a book – and this is it. If you want to succeed, however, you need perseverance and a high stress and frustration tolerance. You need to be able to set yourself a goal and go for it – no matter how long it takes and how hard it will be. If you are not willing to do that, don’t blame it on the group, the people there, the program, the genes, your past, your parents or whomever else then. Your just a quitter looking for lame excuses.
- In many cases, self-pity is both a symptom and part of the cause of same-sex attractions. A baby that does not perceive himself or herself to be loved will start pitying himself/herself in order to get some love this way. A really tragic and sad thing to happen. This will take on till he or she is grown up, if nothing will be done against it. Usually, the individual does not even realize that. Other people start getting ticked off by the constant whining and complaining and think he or she is a wimp or worse. So if you struggle with that and already realized it, do something against it. Stop the whining. Stand up and fight! Learn to love and enjoy life and start working on your masculine/feminine identity. But PLEASE stop the whining! Whining is the easy way out in struggle. You see yourself as the poor and helpless victim. Take responsibility for your own life and act like a man/woman! There is no shame in being scared, but there is if you let your fear overcome you!
- Go for results. General bla-bla won’t get you far. Set yourself big goals (they really can’t be too big!), cut them in little goals and start making plans. Example: Instead of saying, “I will try to become a better person” (which is nothing else but a wishy-washy statement that will never lead to anything!), make your goal measurable and hold yourself accountable: “Until next Friday I will contact the volunteer program in our church and ask if I can join them in building houses for the poor. And I will tell Bill about it.” Like that you have a fix date, a measurable goal and someone that will hold you accountable.
- If you are a follower of Jesus (or Jew, Muslim – whatever), show that your faith is for real. Stop begging God to take “it” away from you – while comfortably leaning back doing nothing and waiting for God to do “His” job. Yes, God is a gracious and loving Father – and much like a worldly father who teaches his little son how to ride a bike, the Lord will teach you: Jesus died for you on the cross so you can be free – so the power of sin is already broken! You ARE free and the only thing that hinders you in realizing that is your lack of belief! As to your recovery in all other realms (like your family history, your emotions, identity questions, possible emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse or whatever else), He will teach you how to do it – but you need to trust Him and walk His path! Stop holding yourself back with lame excuses and finally trust Him! Even if bad things should happen, you know then that you are never alone! Let His love overflow you so you will become radiant with this love and joy! If we don’t have something to be joyful about, then who should?
- No man is an island. Neither are you. You grow in and through the company with others – so you should give something back and help others with unwanted same-sex attractions. This means accepting responsibility on a long-term basis. You won’t help anybody when you only show up somewhere when you feel like it. You might be (or feel) “different”. That is not a bad thing in and of itself. Let this “being different” become a blessing for others! Find out about your gifts and talents and use them for God’s glory!
- And last but not least: Get structure and discipline in all areas of your life: sexually, financially, healthwise, emotionally, relationally, socially, spiritually etc. Get yourself motivated each and every day by setting up a structure plan. Start your day by putting on your spiritual armor through prayer and Bible study and then throw yourself into the great and unbelievable adventure called life. Don’t waste it by shying back. Stand up and be the one God called you for! There is no victory in whining and complaining and finding a good excuse to reject all help and remaining a passive victim for good. There is no victory in blaming others for your inability to get your own stuff in order. There is no victory in begging God for what He already gave you, but what you continue to run away from: Complete freedom! What are you so afraid of? That you might really be free someday and be responsible for your own life? That through acting like a man/woman you might finally become one? That you might grow up to become and adult? Get your butt up and learn how to fly!!
The idea of carrying a cross and denying myself has been on my mind a lot lately, and I just read a book this week that had an excellent chapter about it.
Nowadays there is such a move on for an easy religion where we decide what parts of the Bible apply to us and what parts don't. There are too many Christians who are reasoning around Scripture, instead of taking it as God's inspired Word.
I have been of the thinking for a long time, that if we truly love God, want to do His will, and live a life that pleases Him, we aren't going to try to weasel around as much Scripture as we can. We won't live as close to the edge as we can.
There is such a move on in this day to throw out what the Bible says about homosexuality being a sin. They use all kinds of excuses:
"Its not fair for God to let me be born this way and not give in"
"As long as its a loving relationship, God doesn't condemn that" Oh really? Where does it say THAT?
And other excuses.
Being a Christian isn't supposed to be easy. That whole carrying your cross thing.... that doesn't mean warm fuzzies. It means dying out to everything - even ourselves and our sexuality - and serving God no matter what.
It took me a while to decide I needed to get serious about serving God, and casting aside the life I have been living. I knew what it meant to do that:
No sexual fulfillment at all
It doesn't sound fun. Picking up my cross means battling what comes so naturally to me, being gay, lusting after guys, fulfilling that lust. Will it be hard to stop? A thousand times yes. Am I alone? No, and there could be worse crosses than to carry a gay cross.
Look at Nick Vujicic. He was born with no arms or legs. Does he have a heavy cross to carry? For sure, and if I had to pick, I'd pick homosexuality. Its a hard thing to deal with, but I can't imagine dealing with what he does.
Joni Earekson Tada. Paralyzed from the neck down since 1978. What a heavy cross. How difficult it must be to serve and trust God, a God who I am sure she has prayed to for healing many times and never got......... sound familiar? If you struggle with same-sex attractions, you have probably done the same. I have. I have begged God to make me "normal", begged him to fix me. He hasn't. And maybe there is a reason.
God has used, and is using these two individuals in ways they could never have been used if they didn't have the physical limitations that they have. If I had gotten a true relationship with God and determined to serve Him no matter what, picked up my very heavy cross and kept going, who knows how God could have used me...... and who knows how He still could use me if I get total victory over my desires and stay surrendered to God.
Those among us who deal with same-sex attractions and want to reason around what the Bible says, who want to "have their cake and eat it too" - have a sexual relationship with the same sex and be a Christian...... they aren't taking up their cross and denying themselves. They have decided they are going to make the Bible fit into their lifestyle, and have tossed the cross aside. How sad it will be for them when they face God.
I wish it weren't so. I wish I could be gay and Christian, as in give into my desires and serve God, but that isn’t possible. God wants it all, even my sexuality. It isn’t easy, but those who truly sell out for God rarely do have it easy. It could be worse. I could have no limbs, or be paralyzed, or be in prison for my faith, being beaten and tortured. Same-sex attractions/struggles? We have it easy compared to many, and who do we think we are claiming we are the exception to carrying our cross and denying ourselves? God wants us to pick up our cross, our gay cross, deny ourselves and our sexuality, and follow Him. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Can You Be Gay and Christian?: Responding With Love and Truth to Questions About Homosexuality
by Michael L. Brown (Author)
Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: Frontline (May 6, 2014)