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Homosexuelle in der Kirche

Posted on January 24, 2022 at 10:40 AM

Nachdem ich immer wieder auf dieses Thema angesprochen werde, hier einige Anregungen zu diesem Thema.

Zu meiner Person: Ich arbeite seit 1991 für die Katholische Kirche – und seit 1993 für den Caritasverband der Erzdiözese München und Freising e.V. In dieser Zeit durfte ich hier einige wertvolle Erfahrungen mit „Homosexuellen“ machen.

Ich selbst werde manchmal gefragt, was ich denn nun sei – schwul, bi, hetero? Hierauf gibt es für mich nur eine Antwort: Ich bin Robert Gollwitzer. Als solcher brauche ich nicht für jede Empfindung eine eigene Identität und will auch nicht auf meine sexuelle Orientierung reduziert werden.

Ich habe ca. 20 Jahre in der schwulen Szene verbracht. Damals lernten die Menschen sich in Bars und Saunas kennen. Heute hat sich das eher auf das Internet verlegt. Ich habe all die Erfahrungen dort gemacht, die man als schwuler Mann machen kann – inklusiv einer langjährigen Partnerschaft. Trotzdem war ich am Ende dieser Zeit suizidal – ohne mir wirklich bewusst zu sein, warum.

Durch „Zufall“ kam ich 2004 in Kontakt mit einer Organisation namens „Homosexuals Anonymous“ (www.homosexuals-anonymous.com). Sinn und Zweck dieser an die traditionellen 12-Schritte-Programme angelehnten christlichen Gruppierung ist es, Menschen in Selbsthilfegruppen zu begleiten, die ein Leben jenseits der Szene anstreben und ihre gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen – aus welchen Gründen auch immer – nicht ausleben wollen. HA dürfte wohl die älteste Einrichtung dieser Art sein.

Dieser Kontakt hat mein Leben radikal verändert – in vielen unterschiedlichen Bereichen. Wo mein Lebensinhalt früher nur darin bestand, „schwul“ zu sein und dabei so viel „Spaß“ wie möglich zu haben, entdeckte ich nun viele andere Gaben und Talente in mir. Ich machte viele verschiedene Aus- und Weiterbildungen (u.a. als Seelsorger, in Theologie, Psychologie, Psychiatrie, zum Immobilienfachwirt IHK und vieles mehr). Vor allem aber fand ich wieder zurück zur Kirche. Hilfreich dabei waren mir neben der oben genannten Organisation u.a. auch Mitglieder des OPUS DEI. Inzwischen darf bin ich selbst Co-Direktor von Homosexuals Anonymous.

In Deutschland haben wir weiter Organisationen gegründet: Miserere Nobis (www.misererenobis.org, eine katholische Organisation, in der es auch zwei Priester für die Seelsorge gibt), Jason International (www.jason-international.org) und Gays & Ex-Gays (www.gaysandexgays.org, eine Organisation, in der sich sowohl Schwule/Lesben als auch Ex-Gays zusammenfinden). Ziel ist die seelsorgerische Begleitung von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen – unabhängig davon, ob ihr individuelles Ziel eine Abkehr vom Ausleben derselben beinhaltet oder nicht. Auch müssen die Teilnehmerinnen und Teilnehmer nicht dem christlichen Glauben angehören. So finden sich bei uns etwa auch Moslems.

Im Zusammenhang mit dem Thema „Homosexuelle und Kirche“ gibt es immer wieder Missverständnisse. Zur Aufklärung derselben sowie als konstruktiven Beitrag zu einer gemeinsamen Gestaltung des Themas werde ich nun auf einige Punkte eingehen:

Die Bedeutung des Begriffes „Homosexualität“ scheint vielen gar nicht bewusst zu sein. In der Regel bezieht man sich hierbei auf eine überwiegende und länger Anhaltende sexuelle (und emotionale!) Anziehung für das eigene Geschlecht. Der Begriff selbst ist noch relativ jung (19. Jhdt. – auch „heterosexuell“ ist noch nicht so alt), insofern bevorzugen manche die Bezeichnung „gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen“ anstatt „homosexuell“.

Nicht die Orientierung wird von der Kirche verurteilt, sondern das Ausleben derselben. Die Lehre der Kirche zum Thema Ehe, Sexualität und Familie empfinde ich als sehr nützlich und hilfreich – wenn man sie denn kennt. Die meisten hören wohl eher nur die Verbote. Diese sind aber nur die Kehrseite der Medaille. Die Kirche als Leib Christi hat ein Menschenbild, dem ich nur vollen Herzens zustimmen kann. Sie verurteilt Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen keineswegs. Gerade im Schoß der Kirche habe ich die Liebe und Zuneigung gefunden, die ich in der schwulen Welt nicht hatte.

Wobei wir beim Thema wären: Wer meint, ein schwules Leben sei doch dasselbe wie ein heterosexuelles, irrt gewaltig. Ich führte viele Jahre lang genau dieses Leben, habe unzählige Menschen kennenlernen dürfen und hatte auch viele Sexualkontakte. Die wenigsten Menschen haben wohl eine Vorstellung davon, was in der schwulen Szene als „normal“ gilt und gefeiert – oder zumindest toleriert wird oder unwidersprochen bleibt. Selbst schwule Beziehungen sind meiner Erfahrung nach im Durchschnitt weit weniger langfristig als ihre heterosexuellen Gegenstücke. Sie sind ebenfalls durchschnittlich weitaus „kreativer“ – sprich seltener monogam und durchaus auch sexuell ausgefallener (auch wenn die „Heteros“ in allen Bereichen aufholen). Die beiden zu vergleichen, ist deshalb weder möglich noch zulässig. Es handelt sich um – in der Regel – ganz andere Lebensentwürfe.

Ein wesentlicher Fehler, den viele Schwule machen (inklusiv meiner selbst seinerzeit): Etwas zu respektieren, bedeutet keineswegs, es auch akzeptieren zu müssen. Jeder Mensch hat das Recht, aus Glaubens- oder sonstigen Gründen zu sagen, dass er/sie bestimmte Lebensentwürfe, sexuelle Praktiken oder Formen des Zusammenlebens abzulehnen. Er oder sie ist deshalb keineswegs automatisch „homophob“, genauso wenig wie Seelsorge für Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen bedeutet, dass hier „Konversionstherapie“ betrieben wird. Jeder Mensch – ob nun Gay, Ex-Gay, Katholik oder was auch immer – hat Respekt verdient. Von vorneherein für die eigene Position nur hehre und lautere Motive in Anspruch zu nehmen und jede davon abweichende Meinung als „homophob“, „Konversionstherapie“ oder was auch immer zu radikalisieren, ist moralisch und ethisch höchst verwerflich.

Die Kirche ist keine Demokratie und darf dies auch nie sein. Sie ist der Leib Christi. Die Kirche muss auch nicht ihre Lehre zur Ehe und zur Sexualität ändern, weil sich einzelne Geistliche falsch verhalten haben. Änderungsbedarf gibt es dennoch – wenn auch auf anderem Gebiet.

Wir haben viele Jahre Lang dem Erzbischöflichen Ordinariat, der Deutschen Bischofskonferenz und vielen anderen katholischen und anderweitig christlichen Einrichtungen, Gemeinschaften und Organisationen kostenlos unsere Hilfe angeboten und sind dabei regelmäßig auf eine Mauer des Schweigens getroffen. Etliche Priester, protestantische Pastoren, Kirchenangestellte oder einfach nur Gläubige haben sich an uns gewandt, da sie von ihrer Glaubensgemeinschaft entweder gar keine Hilfe bekommen haben oder nicht die, die sie erwartet und erhofft haben.

Was die Kirche nämlich regelmäßig betreibt oder zumindest duldet, ist die Unterstützung einer Theologie, die Positionen der Schwulenbewegung vertritt. Dies jedoch ist eine Offenbarung und Bankrotterklärung des katholischen Glaubens und hilft uns Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen, die Jesus Christus nachfolgen wollen, keineswegs. Wenn ich das will, gehe ich in die Welt hinaus, die können das besser.

Wir können von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen aber auch nicht erwarten, dass sie Kopien von „Otto Normalverbraucher“ werden. Wir haben besondere Gaben und Talente, die wir auch und gerade zum Wohle der Kirche nutzen können und sollten. Wir müssen uns nicht verstellen, verkleiden oder jemand anderes imitieren, um einem Bild zu entsprechen, das nicht das eigene ist.

Was keineswegs geschehen darf, ist eine unterschiedliche Behandlung von Menschen. Wir können nicht einerseits zulassen, dass Wiederverheiratete bei uns arbeiten, aber dann bei offen homosexuell lebenden Menschen den Riegel vorschieben. Das wäre allerdings Diskriminierung. Wenn wir von unseren Mitarbeitenden ein Ausleben der katholischen Lehre verlangen (soweit dies arbeitsrechtlich überhaupt noch verlangt werden kann), dann von allen in gleicher Art und Weise.

Hier sind wir an einem Punkt, der mir besonders am Herzen liegt: Manche Menschen führen an, in katholischen Einrichtungen sei der katholische Glaube nur mehr in homöopathischen Dosen vorhanden. Dies ist vielleicht etwas überzeichnet, weist aber auf ein Problem hin: Wir werden immer mehr wie die Welt. Ja, wir leben in eben dieser Welt, sind aber nicht gleichzeitig Teil davon. Wenn wir uns als Katholikinnen und Katholiken in nichts mehr von anderen Menschen unterscheiden, wenn es nichts mehr gibt, weswegen die Leute sich fragen, was an diesen Menschen besonders ist, dann hätten wir allerdings unsere Existenzberechtigung verloren. Den katholischen Glauben auf ein christliches Wellness-Programm zu reduzieren, mit dem jede/r leben kann und von dem niemand etwas hat oder ihn gar gemäß unseren eigenen Vorlieben oder dem politischen Zeitgeist „umzuschreiben“ oder „neu zu definieren“, kann und darf nicht unser Ziel sein.

Es sollte in jeder katholischen Einrichtung, für jede Pfarrei und insbesondere für geweihte Personen oder Menschen in Klöstern Ansprechpartnerinnen oder Ansprechpartner geben, an die sich diese Menschen vertrauensvoll wenden können. Dem ist momentan leider nicht so, wie meine jahrelange seelsorgerische Erfahrung gezeigt hat. Die Erfahrungen, die Menschen unserer Kenntnis nach hierbei gemacht haben, sind teils haarsträubend.

Die Kirche definiert Missbrauch immer noch im juristischen Sinne – bezogen auf Minderjährige. Ein Priester ist aber auch gegenüber Erwachsenen eine Autoritätsperson. Sexuelle Übergriffe sind hierbei demnach anders zu bewerten als bei „normalen“ Personen. Wir mussten bisher die Erfahrung machen, dass die „offizielle“ Kirche offenbar durchaus Kenntnis davon hat, dass manche Priester aktiv sexuelle Kontakte suchen (teils unverhohlen im Internet), dies aber totschweigt, solange der Vorfall nicht öffentlich wird. Diese unsägliche Praxis des „Don’t ask, don’t tell“ in Anlehnung an vergangene Zeiten im US-Militär muss sofort aufhören. Mitarbeiterinnen und Mitarbeitern nahzulegen, das Ganze nicht öffentlich zu machen, dann würde man es auch kirchlicherseits durchgehen lassen, ist einfach nur scheinheilig.

Das Argument „Gott hat mich so geschaffen“ oder „ich bin so geboren“ ist unlogisch bzw. in der Form auch nicht richtig. Zum einen sind wir theologisch alle von Geburt an Sünder. Das macht Sünde deshalb auch nicht besser noch nimmt es uns aus der Verantwortung. Was die Theorie der genetischen Veranlagung betrifft, so ist diese bisher immer noch nicht zweifelsfrei geklärt und wäre – wenn dem so sei – auch aus moralischer oder auch katholischer Sicht belanglos. Die Tatsache, dass ich eine genetische Veranlagung für etwas habe, macht dies aus Sicht des Glaubens oder auch der weltlichen Moral noch lange nicht „richtig“. Abgesehen davon zeigen die Erkenntnisse der Epigenetik, dass selbst genetische Veranlagungen weitere – etwa umweltbezogene – Faktoren bedürfen, um überhaupt zum Tragen zu kommen.

Suizide von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen dürfen – egal von welcher Seite – nicht für die eigenen Ansichten instrumentalisiert werden. Suizide sind regelmäßig multifaktoriell. Eine einfache Schuldzuweisung ist hier wenig hilfreich.

Ähnlich verhält es sich mit der Diskriminierung: hier ist die tatsächliche und zu verteilende Diskriminierung von der angenommenen oder gar unterstellten zu unterscheiden.

Besonders ärgert es mich, wenn versucht wird, die Lehre der Katholischen Kirche und der Heiligen Schrift nach eigenem Gutdünken „neu auszulegen“ – sprich: ins Gegenteil zu verkehren. Da werden alle möglichen – teils absurden – Vorstellungen ins Feld geführt. Auf mich wirkt das immer so, als wolle da jemand die kirchliche Lehre und die Bibel ändern, damit sie mit seinen/ihren Vorstellungen übereistimmen – statt das eigene Leben der befreienden Lehre Jesus Christi anzupassen.

Kurz und gut: Ich bin nicht „homosexuell“ und schon gar nicht lasse ich mich aufgrund meiner gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen vor irgendeinen Karren spannen. Ich bin auch nicht „bi“, „hetero“ oder sonst etwas. Ich bin Robert Gollwitzer. Als solcher will ich keine Sonderbehandlung und ich stelle mich anderen ebenso wenig mit den Worten „Mein Name ist Robert und ich bin schwul“ vor wie sie es tun würden: „Mein Name ist Hans und ich bin hetero“. Das klingt nicht umsonst schräg. Ich respektiere die Lebensentscheidungen von Menschen wie ich Menschen an sich respektiere. Ich unterstelle ihnen nicht, alleine deshalb schlechte Menschen zu sein.

Vor allem unterdrücke ich meine Neigungen nicht, nur wenn ich meine sexuellen Energien auf andere Art und Weise Frucht tragen lasse.

Ähnliches erwarte – und vermisse ich auch manchmal - ich auch von anderen.

Ich sehe bei Verboten der Kirche die andere – positive – Seite, die mein Bestes im Blick hat.

Ich bin auch kein Versager, wenn ich fallen sollte. Auch mein Glaube ist deshalb nicht falsch. Wohin würden wir kommen, wenn wir jedes Mal, wenn ein Christ sündigt, dem christlichen Glauben Wirkungslosigkeit und Sinnlosigkeit unterstellen würden.

Nachdem sich so viele „Homosexuelle“ in der Kirche geoutet haben, tue ich dies auch – wie schon viele Male zuvor, als noch niemand davon sprach. Mein Zeugnis ist aber ein anderes, wenngleich es aber vielleicht gerade deshalb von der Kraft und Liebe unseres Herrn zeugt, der aus einem unheilvollen Lebenslauf immer noch etwas Großartiges machen kann.

München, den 24.01.2022

Robert Gollwitzer

So what about "Safer Sex"? - written from a homosexual perspective

Posted on November 6, 2021 at 6:45 AM

So what about "Safer Sex"? What' wrong with it?

"Safer Sex" usually means various protective measures so you can have sex without any danger for your health - for instance through sexually transmitted infections (STI). Examples could be condoms, Prep (taking pills before sex) or protection through HIV-medication. These measures are technical and/or medical things that are per se neither good or bad.

Sometimes the argument that this furthers "immoral behavior" is being said to be primarily used by this "fundamental Christians" in the USA. So what about it?

This argument might be seen as beside the point as it talks about a personal code of moral standards which has nothing to do with one's physical health. Or has it?

I am not a doctor so I can only talk about my personal experience of 20 plus years in the gay scene, having hat multiple partners and lots of - also extreme - sex.

These measures and pills certainly further sexual practices and/or acts that might not have happened without. To deny that would probably be very naive. Again - this also looks like it is neither good nor bad and most certainly in some people's eyes nobody's business.

"Safe Sex" has always been promoted, yet the effect was probably not as some might have hoped. Why? I am going to be very open: Do you know the saying "A stiff dick doesn't have a conscience"? I can only subscribe to that wholeheartedly. I have witnessed that myself so many times - people not caring at all about safety once they were horny. Add to that "Chemsex" (using illegal drugs like meth in order to enhance the sexual pleasure and the orgasm) or "just" alcohol and you get an explosive mix that lowers the barrier of protective measures a lot. All those infections with STI don't come from nowhere - with MSM (men having sex with men) having a relatively huge percentage of the overall infections.

"Safe Sex" might further the willingness to do whatever you want to do sexually. Either you do practice "Safe Sex" and think nothing can ever happen then - or you don't care at all and/or hope that the others do protect themselves at least. Even if not, you might believe there is good medication nowadays.

Irresponsibility and neglicence though keep the numbers of infected people high - and this is not just your own business. All of society has to pay for your decisions then - for example by the high medical costs that need to be covered sometimes over a long period of time by the health insurance companies.

Another point is the emotional side and mental health as a whole. Looking back at my long experience I can only warn you: it is very naive to believe that yielding to any and every impulse to have sex in whatever way and form will not have any consequences for you in that area. I have watched too many people - including myself - over the years to think this has done nothing with their mental health. As to myself: At the end of a 20 year-period I looked at myself and could not believe what had become of me - morally, mentally, physically - in many areas of my life. This is why I left this kind of life.

Finally - even if some people deny it - there is the spiritual aspect. This is one of those things that separates human beings from animals - we (at least most of us) believe in a world beyond what we can perceive with our five senses. I have experienced and heard from many others devastating consequences in that field over the years.

Do not buy arguments that sound logical, simple and clear at first but have a bitter aftertaste. Use your common sense. God has given it to us for a reason.

"Pro-Gay" Statements? No thanks.

Posted on November 5, 2021 at 6:40 AM

What I think of companies using "gay" models in ads or the "live-and-let-live" attitude in society as to the LGBTQIA+ community? Not much. I have same-sex attractions myself and I am too old, I have seen too much to believe in that. Companies target us because they see us as potential customers and for no other reason at all. As to society in general: I firmly believe that everybody has a perfect right for his or her personal values. Forcing people to say they are "pro-gay" violates their human rights and means nothing to me as it is only a statement that does not come from within. When times are getting rough again, that attitude will change in a second. Remember when people ran to the supermarkets at the beginning of Corona buying everything they could no matter if there was still something left for others? All the political correctness was down the river in the blink of an eye when personal comfort was at stake.

Everyone has the right to publicly say they like or dislike certain behaviors or even people. What I ask of everybody though is respect.

As a Christian I believe that we are not meant to like everyone. That is impossible. Nor does everyone else have to like us. What God wants us to do is to love one another the way Jesus loved us. Big difference.

Experiences from a Gay Life

Posted on October 22, 2020 at 9:40 AM

Here some experiences and observations I've made during my many years in, with and around the (male) gay scene - and some conclusions I've drawn:

 

 

Impulsive behavior seems to be rampant. If men want sex, they are going to get it NOW.

 

In order to get the sex partners, moral restrictions are often low. It does not matter if he is a married family father (that seems to be even more attractive), if he has a partner or whatever else.

 

Partnerships are hardly ever monogamous and longterm. This is (officially) not being seen as something bad - even though most men still seem to dream of "Prince Charming" (that will most likely never come).

 

Gay bars and gay dating sites seem to be nothing more than "meat markets".

 

Even though some would object, I'd still claim that partners are exchangeable. Partnerships are not focused on a "you", but rather an "I". The other partner is seen and needed to fulfill all of my sexual, emotional, relational and psychological needs - something nobody can really do (that's maybe why they are always on the lookout if the grass is greener elsewhere).

 

Mental disorders seem to be much more common among gay men than among their straight counterparts. That is not necessarily due to discrimination by society, but rather to a different (not worse!) mental design.

 

Victim mentality is high and so is self-pity. Not that the men are aware of it. However, they are constantly complaining about their childhood, society, their family, their partners, their job, their lives. Taking over full responsibility for themselves seems not really common.

 

Their political views are rather radical and narrow minded. Everybody has to accept the way they live their lives, else he or she is homophobic, retarded, mentally challenged, or radical. In one word: Somebody that has conservative views. That seems to be a rather childlike view - like many other behaviors and attitudes seem to be childlike or immature.

 

Self-destructive behavior (like sex withouth protection or with many partners, even in Corona times or extreme sexual practices) and drug abuse seem to be higher than in the rest of the population.

 

There is no solidarity in the gay scene. It seems to be all about "me, myself and I".

 

It all seems to turn around "being happpy" (with "happiness" being a feeling than comes and goes rather than a wilful life-decision) - and yet so many of them seem to be deeply sad on the inside.

 

 

Again: These are my personal observations and conclusions. They are not meant to put anybody down. On the contrary - I am in no way different. I have been there and even bought the t-shirt. I love those men from the bottom of my heart and wonder why this is the case. Maybe someone has an idea?

 

Rob

Homosexuelle Beziehungen

Posted on October 11, 2020 at 5:45 AM

Wir hören ja immer wieder, homosexuelle Beziehungen seien im Schnitt weit weniger monogam, weit kurzfristiger und sexuell weitaus "experimentierfreudiger" als heterosexuelle. Das ist zweifellos richtig, insbesondere was Beziehungen zwischen Männern angeht. Ja, heterosexuelle Beziehungen holen hier auf, aber sind regelmäßig immer noch weit davon entfernt. Das wirdx in der schwulen Szene normalerweise auch nicht negativ gesehen.

 

Es gibt Schwule, die nun irgendein Paar anführen, von dem sie gehört hätten, sie hätten eine langfristige Beziehung. Bei näherem Hinsehen erweist sich diese jedoch selten als monogam und noch seltener als sexuell nicht so ausgefallen wie heterosexuelle.

 

Die Frage ist hier, warum man möglicherweise etwas anderes erwartet hat oder "beweisen" will. Zwei Menschen desselben Geschlechts (insbesondere zwei Männer) haben nunmal eine völlig andere Sexualität und damit auch ein völlig anderes Zusammenleben als zwei Menschen unterschiedlichen Geschlechts. Die Evolution und damit die Notwendigkeit des monogamen langfristigen Zusammenlebens fällt weg. Selbst wenn Kinder adoptiert oder mit in die Beziehung gebracht werden, lässt sich Mutter Natur wohl nicht so einfach austricksen.

 

Wie mensch das beurteilt, steht auf einem anderen Blatt. Hier müssen sich sowohl Homosexuelle gefallen lassen, dass andere Menschen dem ablehnend gegenüber stehen - was ihr gutes Recht ist - als auch die "andere Seite", dass Menschen so zusammenleben wollen. Deshalb der "Gegenpartei" unlautere Motive, psychische Störungen oder dergleichen unterstellen zu wollen (kann ja nicht sein, dass ihre Gründe vernünftig sind und vernünftig betrachtet werden wollen) oder sie gar verbal mit Dreck zu bewerfen, bringt niemandem etwas und zeigt eher den eigenen Mangel an Charakter, Respekt und gewaltfreier Kommunikation.

Failure in Gay Lives

Posted on January 4, 2020 at 8:10 AM

 

Quite a number of gay people I know failed miserably in their lives - in Christian but also in worldly standards. Count me in - at least during my gay years. They then oftentimes try to explain that away and to make it look like something good by using moral relativism. Like every good/bad politician they apply their own (usually just invented) standards and consciously or unconsciously zoom out a good part of reality so their lives still look like something to them and - at least they believe - the world.

 

The problem with that: deep inside they know that's crap. That's one of the reasons their self-worth sometimes is so low. And it does not really help the mental disorders either some of them have if you avoid to face reality.

 

Examples: Failure in the professional life, overspending and/or financial disaster, many broken partnerships, even broken heterosexual families they once had, broken promises, people they hurt and left behind, broken moral values (even their own!), being developmentally stuck in puberty in some areas of their lives, and many more.

 

Just take one: Some had heterosexual families before. They broke their marriage vows among others by secretely having same-sex partners. The marriage usually ends at some point and the kids suffer. That is being explained away by saying they can now finally be who they truly are and nonsense like that. A broken family is a broken family and there is no good reason for that. Sometimes they even take the kids to live with them and their new same-sex partner. You really think you are giving your children a good example like that? That they will ever be able to raise a healthy family themselves if this is what they get to see? The sad part about it: society even applauds them for leaving everything behind.

 

Some live with their same-sex partner after that. They claim all is good and all are "happy". They even take care of him/her when he is sick and handicapped - not without tapping themselves on the shoulders and letting others know how good they really are. Then they start having other sex partners aside and even leave that old one behind. Of course, there are good reasons for that as well and they refuse all offers for help and deny all options for a solution. It is too much for me, it is all the other guy's fault, and - you might guess it already - "I don't love him anymore and I just want to be happy". How many people do you have to hurt to "be happy"?

 

Others hide behind diseases or disorders as they found out that gives them a good excuse not to assume responsibility and instead do what they want to do without having a bad conscience and without getting a bad reputation.

 

Some might want to point out examples now where things are differently. Are they really or just on the surfacee? Based on what standards?

 

I have spent many years in the gay scene and I have seen many people go down. Lots of them are no more, others are physically sick or mentally ill, financially broke or stand in front of their shattered lives - alone and embittered. Yet they will still tell me they are "happy".

 

No, you are not.

 

Robert

 

Think of Going Back to the Gay Life? Think Again.

Posted on January 4, 2020 at 5:35 AM

I left the gay scene in 2004. In all those years ever since I slipped once. Am I a failure because of that? Certainly not. Most of us are Christians. Yet we keep on sinning. Does that make sinning better? Not really. Does it mean I am all fake and in fact a gay man that only denies his true self? Wrong again. This is propaganda and wanna-be psychology.

 

Here the lessons I drew after I returned to the right path:

 

Be brutal. Eliminate all triggers. Get rid of everything and everybody that tempts you to fall. No excuse. Just do it.

 

Have an accountability partner.

 

Confess your sins.

 

Find out why you did it. What emotional or other need did you try to fulfill by that? What hurt did you seek to numb?

 

Trust me in one thing: You will certainly not find there what you are looking for. The gay scene has changed since I left. What was extreme yet accepted back then is pretty much normal now. Yes, some are married - either to someone of the same or the opposite sex. That does not prevent them from looking out for other sex partners - with or without the consent of their spouse. Some seem to be addicted to sex. The sexual experiences they seek get wilder with every sex act for them to get the same high. I was very sad to see what they are doing to themselves and to others - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

I'd say a good number of them realizes something is wrong. They complain that gays are only out for sex. That the person itself is exchangeable. Yet it does not lead to consequences - they keep on seeking love at the wrong places.

 

From my own experience I can tell you that most - if not all - gay men I met are unable to build solid relationships. Oftentimes they just use their partner to fulfill their own sexual, emotional, social and whatever else needs. In many cases I had the impression that the partners were not at the same level, but that one had a dominant position and the other was emotionally dependent. I can't really say I have ever found a single gay couple were I would acknowledge that it was even remotely compareable to a straight one. They just were not.

 

Be honest. Sin always seek darkness. It is no shame to fall. Yet it is one to try to hide it, to try to excuse it or to even build up a theology that allows you to keep on doing what you don't want to stop.

 

Even in those days when you fell: never break up with God. Stay in contact. Don't stop praying. He will listen and answer. Maybe not in the way you expect Him to, but He will.

 

Satan ususally wraps everything in gold, else none of us would ever fail. Everyone of us can fall. No exception. Never think that you won't - that is the foot that satan will have to your heart then. He will use it to get in one way or the other. Even if you don't fall sexually, there are other ways to sin.

 

Yes, some things seem tempting - and I am not just talking sex. The man you meet might be ever so nice. A good and wonderful person that cares a lot for others. That might be so, but starting a relationship with him will neither give you nor him what both of you were looking for. On the contrary, it will destroy it.

 

Never measure an ex-gay walk by the number of sexual falls you had - or by the lack thereof. As I said - there are other ways to sin, and all of us are guilty of that. Pride (as gays boast themselves of so many times in their parades) is the root of all evil.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You fell - now get back up on your feet and use the fall to learn from it and pass on your lessons.

 

After I fell I thought why, I have seen the gay life now (again). And there is no way I ever want to go back there. It is just not worth it. On the other hand, I have something that is worth so much more: following Jesus Christ.

 

I will keep on using my sexual energy another way: to let my gifts and talents grow.

 

One last thing: Jesus did not call us to found religious clubs, to sit in houses and wait for poor sinners (of course not ourselves) to knock on the doors. He commanded us to go out and make disciples. In my walk among gay people I saw that none of them had ever heard of ex-gays. As to the Christian faith, their views were usually filtered through gay propaganda. Why? Because we made a living out of touring in Christian circles and preaching to the choir. Of telling those who already shared our opinion about our walk. Of selling them our books and charging them for our talks. However, those who need us most are still alone.

 

I will also stop to only think sex when I think of my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. They are more than that. Yes, there are many wonderful people among them and I feel blessed, honored and thankful that God allowed me to get to know them.

 

All of that will equip me better from now on to reach out to all (!) people with same-sex attractions. Because I love them like Jesus does. I will not just tell them that it's wrong to life the gay life because the Bible says so but I will share the fullness of our faith with them through my words and deeds, not just by quoting Bible verses along with my personal interpretation of them.

 

Why? Because I love them. My heart goes out to them. God is love - and so should we be.

 

Rob

You Think Gay Relationships Are Like Straight Ones? Think Again.

Posted on January 4, 2020 at 5:30 AM

Here some of my own experiences over the decades regarding gay relationships:

 

It sounds so very tempting at first - you can finallly be the "true you", you will marry your sam-sex partner or at least live forever with Prince Charming, you will be ever so happy with him because of that, you might even have kids - short: you will modell the perfect heterosexual family and society will and has to accept that as perfectly normal.

 

Is it? Not at all. At least according to my own experience.

 

As you will notice by going through the brief description I just gave you, there is a lot of "you" in it. And this is basically what a gay relationship is all about: Me, myself and I. Yes, gay couples will strongly deny it. Yes, some take care of their sick partner. But, I still stick with that general rule. And the heteros are catching up.

 

The foundation for gay relationship is a mixture of political correctness, psychotherpeutic correctness, moral relativism, misguided attempts to satisfy legitimate emotional, social and other needs or to numb past and undealt hurt. Gay relationships are a quick fix for all of the above yet will never heal or truly satisfy.

 

First, it is all about "being happy" and "being the true you". Sounds great, right? Well, only if you don't think deeper and only at first glance. The whole drama of gay relationships (and many of their heterosexual counterparts) unfolds with the mistaken notion of happiness and love. Gays (and many straight people) mistake that as feelings. And as all feelings they come and go. For Christians, true happiness comes with and by following Jesus Christ through our thoughts, words and deeds by following His commandments. For Christians, love is a decision of the will. A feeling comes and goes. A contract is an exchange of property (or other) rights on the other person. Christian love, however, is a life-giving covenant where the man gives himself (!) to the woman. They become so much one (flesh) that you have to give the one a name nine months after. This reflects the life-giving way Christ gave Himself to the Church. Man, woman, and the child as the bond of love between them - like Father, Son and the Holy Spirit as the bond their love. If you see it that way, you will notice that no other union but a life-long covenant between man and woman will ever be able to be the same. You will also notice that there is no way you can ever dissolve such a covenant and start a new one.

 

Yes, some of us are not made for marriage with a partner for the opposite sex. This does in no way mean you will have a lonely and miserable life while denying yourself. Actually, Jesus commanded us to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. You can - and must! - then give your life fully to God and your neighbor. THIS is your true self. You are a beloved child of God and only through that you can draw your self-worth from and only as such you will ever find true happiness.

 

Christians that fall sometimes try to justify that to others and to themselves by putting together some sort of theology that allows them to keep on doing what they don't want to stop. Not only that, they also call others who hang on to the traditional version as "haters", "fundamentalists", "radicals", "nazis" - and much more. This is nothing but a pathetic attempt of excusing your own failures by throwing mud at others.

 

Yes, it is all about love - Christian love, not the distorted human version of it.

 

We are already deeply stuck in the swamp of moral relativism - the understanding that there are no absolute moral standards, but that everyone can adapt them to his or her own needs and wants. Even aside the faith part this is the downfall for every society. If there is no common understanding anymore of what is good, truthful, normal and right, if everyone can change that, then society will go down very soon. Even laws are founded on a common understanding of what is just and right. Without that you won't have civil or moral laws and you won't have a functioning society. Needless to say there certainly will be no "love" and no "happiness" anymore either.

 

Moral relativism justifies pretty much everything. I have been there too. You can justify and glorify "patchwork families" (actually, a patchwork blanket originally is a blanket made of old and torn rugs. That is in no way a good thing), you can justify leaving your partner and family (whatever that is then), you can justify having other partners at the side or together with your partner - you can justify almost everything. The things you cannot justify yet will soon follow as there will be no grounds for them to be illegal.

 

Of course, people always want and need a reason for their evil deeds to make them look good. Again - I don't want to point the finger only at others. I have been there as well. This is when oftentimes psychotherapeutic correctness comes in. Examples: "I need to be alone and have my freedom" (while in fact there is no mental disorder that forces you to leave your partner). "Maybe at some later point I feel strong and healthy enough to look out for someone again" (in my eyes, this is pure degradation of humans and total lack of responsability towards others. You take and drop them according to your present feelings and already announce to the one you just left there will be another one after him). "I could not deny myself anymore" or "I need to be like I was born to" (usually applied when gay men leave the straight family they founded, i.e. their wives and kids. We are all born sinners, yet this is no justification for Christians to sin. You won't get physically or mentally sick when you stay on God's path). It even becomes worse when they drag their own children into the relationship with their gay partner to live with them. What example do you think you are giving to your kids? You really believe this is the best for them? Or do you just want to soothe your nagging conscience? Ever thought about those you are leaving behind? How many people do you have to hurt and leave behind in order to "be happy"?

 

Since when have cowardice and lack of character and moral values, lack of stress and frustration tolerance and lack of the ability to withstand and control your impulses become new moral absolutes?

 

In the gay relationships I experienced and saw there seemed to have been a lot of self-centeredness, egoism and a very pubertarian way of dealing with your love life.

 

It seemed to be always about me. How I am happy (or better: how I FEEL happy), how I find my personal freedom, how I satisfy my needs, how I live out what is inside of me and how I really am, how I can be "free"... This is not love. You are most likely stuck on a very early developmental stage then.

 

The partners in a gay relationship are according to my experience (almost) exchangeable. Yes, gays will deny that, but deep inside they know that they oftentimes use their partners only to satisfy their sexual, emotional, social, relational and whatever else needs. I am absolutely sure that with the development of artificial intelligence we will soon have machines that are "perfectly human" and that do exactly what you want them to do. The ultimate dream for many (if not most) gays. And yes, the straight ones are catching up.

 

Sometimes gays also give scientifically-sounding arguments to justify their need for a same-sex partner. Like "I was born that way and I cannot deny myself else I develop a mental disorder". What nonsense. First, so far no gene has ever been found that "makes you gay". Even if there ever will be such a gene, it is epigenetics (that is the environment and your own thinking and behavior) that decides if and to what extent a gene will be activated or new ones will be grown or exiting ones altered (!!). You are not a slave of your genetic code (what an image of humanity that would be) and your genetic code certainly is no grounds for calling something "right" or "normal". Think of the absurd consequences of you'd apply that logic to other forms of behavior!

 

Some gay couples also adopt children or take their own ones into their relationship. I dare to doubt the motivation behind that - at least according to my experiences. Do those couples really want the best for those kids or do they want to knock off one of their own wishes from the list? Like modelling the "perfect" hetero families. I am not doubting that many honestly want to love those children, but I do claim as a Christian man that a life-long heterosexual marriage based on the traditional Christian teaching of what a family should be like is the best environment for children - and for the spouses. Some gays come up with arguments like "It is better for children to grow up in a loving gay relationship than in a disfunctional straight one". That is comparing apples to pears. You take the best from one side and compare it to the worst of the other. Mere propaganda. And do show me the gay couple that prefers children from a disfunctional family to children of a happy one.

 

The gay relationships I was in usually brought out the worst in me - the "fruit of the flesh", as Christians would call it. From those I was with I had the impression it was not much different.

 

So what kind of "love" is that if it brings out the worst? It is by their fruit that you will recognize them is what Jesus told us.

 

Finally, going to the extremes when it comes to sex seems to be much more normal in gay relationships than it straight ones. You think that's fun and you can and should do it as "you don't hurt anybody" and "it's not forbidden"? What immature way of looking at it. You might find yourself pretty soon in a sex addiction - and trust me, this is not funny at all. It is very degrading. Gay relationships also seem to be much less monogamous and last much shorter than their heterosexual counterparts (yes, the difference is sadly diminishing here as well). This is no "fun" and certainly not "gay" either. Many gays I met claimed to be happy but made a deeply sad and lonely impression on me - in spite of being in a same-sex relationship.

 

To cut a long story short: I very much warn you - do not yield to the temptation to enter into a same-sex relationship! If you are in one, get out as fast as possible - as if the devil was behind you (pun intended)!

 

I found true happiness and love only in those times when I stayed on the right path - God's path.

 

Blessings,

 

Robert

Is there a "gay lifestyle"?

Posted on September 7, 2019 at 6:15 AM

Many people would answer that this is a homophobic invention. Gays live there lives in many different ways, as straight folks do.

So is it completely non-appropriate to talk of a "gay lifestyle"?

Let's take a closer look at what Wikipedia has to say:

"Lifestyle is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. The term was introduced by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler with the meaning of "a person's basic character as established early in childhood", for example in his 1929 book "The Case of Miss R.". The broader sense of lifestyle as a "way or style of living" has been documented since 1961. Lifestyle is a combination of determining intangible or tangible factors. Tangible factors relate specifically to demographic variables, i.e. an individual's demographic profile, whereas intangible factors concern the psychological aspects of an individual such as personal values, preferences, and outlooks.

A rural environment has different lifestyles compared to an urban metropolis. Location is important even within an urban scope. The nature of the neighborhood in which a person resides affects the set of lifestyles available to that person due to differences between various neighborhoods' degrees of affluence and proximity to natural and cultural environments. (...)

A lifestyle typically reflects an individual's attitudes, way of life, values, or world view. Therefore, a lifestyle is a means of forging a sense of self and to create cultural symbols that resonate with personal identity. Not all aspects of a lifestyle are voluntary. Surrounding social and technical systems can constrain the lifestyle choices available to the individual and the symbols she/he is able to project to others and the self.

The lines between personal identity and the everyday doings that signal a particular lifestyle become blurred in modern society. For example, "green lifestyle" means holding beliefs and engaging in activities that consume fewer resources and produce less harmful waste (i.e. a smaller ecological footprint), and deriving a sense of self from holding these beliefs and engaging in these activities. Some commentators argue that, in modernity, the cornerstone of lifestyle construction is consumption behavior, which offers the possibility to create and further individualize the self with different products or services that signal different ways of life.

Lifestyle may include views on politics, religion, health, intimacy, and more. All of these aspects play a role in shaping someone's lifestyle. In the magazine th, and television industries, "lifestyle" is used to describe a category of publications or programs." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle_(sociology) September 7th 2019)

Are there common interests, opinions, behaviors, and behavioral orientations in the gay scene? Anyone who has ever been there would definitely agree. There is a special way of talking, of celebrating, a different way of dressing up, different interests and values than compared to the rest of the population (yes, there will always be some who drop out of this classification, but on the average this might be a true statement). I have been there for many years and from my experiences I can definitely agree.

My "lifestyle" and that of many others I encountered reflected our attitudes, our way of lives and world views - no doubt about that. The environment we were living in also constrained our lifestyle choices. I could absolutely agree on that one as well. And yes, my views on politics, religion, health and intimacy were shaped by it as well and formed what you might call a "lifestyle" that I shared with many others then.

So all in all there is a "gay lifestyle".

The question is rather why so many gays are annoyed by this term? I guess they want to present an image to the public that makes them look like an ordinary John Doe, just like everyone else. But they are not! Gay activists use that as a propaganda technique - being well aware that the reality is way different. If I'd still be in the gay life, I would be more than happy to embrace a "gay lifestyle" - probably even be proud of it. Could it be that the gay self-confidence and self-assurance is so low it needs to look like everyone else and is ticked off by being called "gay"?

Recently, I communicated with gay men in online dating sites (not that I recommend that!). My impression? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nothing much seems to have change since I left 15 years ago. Just take a look at the CSD-parades each year and tell me there is no "gay lifestyle"! To claim there is not is ridiculous and every gay person knows it.

I am ever so glad I left the environment that shaped my life back then. The way I live my life now does not fit any category and I am more than happy about that.

Robert

Ich will endlich so sein, wie ich bin?

Posted on April 13, 2019 at 5:30 AM

"Ich will endlich so sein, wie ich bin?"


Diesen Spruch hört man von vielen Schwulen. Nach langer "Selbstverleugnung" wäre nun der Damm gebrochen und sie könnten so sein, wie sie tatsächlich sind.


Wie aber sieht die Realität aus?


Kurz: Die Einzigen, die sie so nehmen, wie sie sind, sind wahrscheinlich die "Heteros". Die schwule Wirklichkeit - insbesondere für Männer - sieht anders aus.

Um auf dem "schwulen Fleischmarkt" Erfolg zu haben, versuchen viele, Stereotypen zu imitieren - oder verlangen dies von potentiellen Partnern. Das wird dann sogar als "Freiheit" von der bisherigen - tatsächlichen - Identität bezeichnet. So werden die Haare kurz geschoren, ein Holzfällerhemd und Jeans angezogen, man lässt sich einen Bart wachsen und meint dann, ein "richtiger" Mann zu sein. Je mehr man einer stereotypen Vorstellung eines "Hetero-Mannes" entspricht, desto besser. Das Problem dabei? Das ist eine Comic-Version von einem Mann. Mit wahrer Männlichkeit hat das aber schon gar nichts zu tun. Ein Bart und ein Holzfällerhemd machen einen mit Sicherheit nicht zum Mann. Vor allem aber verleugnet man damit sich selbst und fordert dies von anderen. "Freiheit" ist etwas anderes. Die Partner sind austauschbar und befriedigen im Grunde nur die eigenen Bedüfnisse und Wünsche. Irgendwann erledigt das Alter den Rest und ein Stereotyp lässt sich beim besten Willen nicht mehr konstruieren. Ich habe dies selbst getan und erfahren und ich habe es zur Genüge an anderen gesehen.


"Freiheit" ist das, was ich erleben durfte, nachdem ich die schwule Szene verlassen hatte. Endlich konnte ich mich dem Zwang des schwulen Fleischmarktes entziehen und so sein, wie ICH bin und sein will. Ich verlange von niemandem, dies zu mögen, ich werde mich aber bestimmt nicht mehr verleugnen, um jemand anderem zu gefallen. Er will dann nicht mich, sondern ein verzerrtes körperliches Bild von mir.


Besonders aber hat mich immer die Diskriminierung innerhalb der schwulen Szene geärgert und verletzt (wenn dies von Menschen kam, an denen mir was lag): wer nicht der schwulen Vorstellung eines Mannes entspricht, ist eine "Tunte" - und nichts ist schlimmer als das. Niemand will eine Tunte sein und distanziert sich davon, indem er andere als solche beschimpft. Die wahren "Tunten" stecken aber nicht selten in Holzfällerhemden.


Im Grunde ist das alles eine sehr tragische Entwicklung. Wer seine männliche Identität nie gefunden hat, jagt einer Fata Morgana nach, die dem entsprechen soll. Vor allem aber läuft er Männern hinterher, die diesem Trugbild am besten entsprechen. Hat er einen gefunden, bleibt er aber weiterhein auf der Suche, ob das Gras anderswo grüner ist. Nicht umsonst sind "Bären" so beliebt in der schwulen Szene, weil sie all die körperlichen Kriterien haben, die man als "männlich" vermutet: Dicker Bauch, behaart, kurze Haare, Bart, Holzfällerhemd, Jeans.


Die Einzigen, die mich so genommen haben, wie ich bin, waren "Heteros". Wo mich so mancher Schwuler beschimpft (oder aufgrund der Entsprechung mit dem "Ideal" als "geil" bezeichnet hat) hat, haben mir Heteros offen gesagt, was ihnen an mir gefällt.


"Freiheit" habe ich in der schwulen Szene nie gefunden. Sobald potentieller Sex meinerseits nicht mehr zur Verfügung stand, lösten sich schnell schwule "Freundschaften" auf. Ebensowenig selbstlose Liebe und Zuneigung und wahren Glauben.


Das mag politisch nicht korrekt sein, entspricht aber meinen Erfahrungen.


Robert